MS moods #2

Mood swings are a symptom that many people don’t realize can be attributed to MS. Rapid and sometimes constant emotional changes are actually MS-related; not only because of the emotional & physical stress any chronic  disease can bring. With MS, you can have lesions in the area that controls your emotions the same way you can have them in areas that affect your arms or legs. There are two parts of the brain associated with emotions, one where they are formed and one where they are controlled. A lesion in either area can affect your mood swings or even cause pseudobulbar affect (PBA), where you laugh or cry suddenly with seemingly no trigger at all. You can also have your emotional responses scrambled, so you may cry when you really want to laugh and vice versa.

External factors can also lead to mood swings. Living with MS can cause a tremendous amount of pent up frustration, stress, anxiety, pain, isolation, and that all can lead to depression. It can be very hard to explain to others what it’s like going to bed each night not knowing if you will be able to walk etc. in the morning; having to come to the realization that you cannot do things the way you used to; to never be able to plan because life is not just day-to-day, but hour-to-hour. Not to mention the fact that you have lost employment capabilities and even mobility due to the disease, making your entire existence dependant on someone else.

Sometimes, no matter how positive you choose to be, no matter how happy a face you put on, there are lingering concerns in the back of your mind, whether you realize it or not. If you don’t confront these thoughts, they can bubble to the surface at inappropriate times.

Whether they are caused by the disease itself or the effects of having the disease, sudden mood swings can be a living hell. It’s bad enough that many of us are in pain much of the time, but sudden mood swings have the awful effect of causing pain in the ones we love. I know I personally have had many sudden outburst of emotion caused by my mood swings. The worst part of that for me, is that when I have these outbursts, I know that it’s not me. That’s not the real me that’s angry or sad. It just happens and I end up feeling tremendous regret at the ways I’ve acted or about the things I’ve said. You begin to feel like a bad person. I know that it also can cause others to think of me as being a different person then who I really am. It all would take a toll on anyone.

Like most MS symptoms, the level of severity can vary greatly from person to person, and even day to day for a particular person. I have days where I feel fine and notice no differences. I have others where I’m sure it seems I’m near manic or bipolar.

All of the normal MS triggers, like stress, temperature, humidity, and fatigue can play into the variance, frequency, and severity of my mood swings just as they all play into the variance of my physical symptoms.