Speech and MS pt. 2

One problem for me is getting my thoughts out of my head when trying to verbally speak with someone. It feels like a cognitive thing.

Halfway through a sentence, it’s like I’ll forget where I am going with a thought, as well as where I just came from. When things get really bad, it’s like I have an idea in my head that isn’t even made up of words. (and then i get a bit hyper & stressed...not a pretty sight).

I don’t know how to explain it; I imagine in these moments that this must be how people used to think before they had a formal language, or how animals form thoughts without the concept of a word.

What was going through my cat’s head when she was staring off into the distance? Does thought even exist in the absence of language? Of course it does, but it’s really hard to imagine without thinking of words.

But I would say that these moments feel pretty close to whatever that must be like because I can only describe what’s going through my head as “raw thoughts and ideas.” I will have to pause and just think and think until I figure out how to turn those ideas into words that others can understand.

It all makes for very awkward social experiences!! I'm either silent or hyper. What must others think...
"what an idiot" or "chill out, lady".  Leads to a lot of miscommunication and misunderstandings.

Yet another isolating factor to the MonSter.

I never had to do anything like that before; for most my life, I didn’t seem to say “umm” very much because it never felt like my brain had to buffer… but now, on a good day, it’s like I am trying to watch a YouTube video on dial-up internet; every 2 seconds the video pauses and displays that little spinning wheel while it buffers and tries to catch up.

This is why I prefer to write instead of speak because when I am writing, I can stop in the middle of a sentence and spend time on deciding what the best word for the job is – which you can’t typically do in the middle of an actual conversation.